This is a picture of Charlotte taken just moments after she tied her own shoe for the first time. This achievement was closely followed by tying of the other shoe. She did not take her shoes off for the rest of the evening. Of course there was lots of tying and untying of the shoes but even when it was time to put her pajamas on the shoes were only off for a moment before they were back on her feet and it wasn't until she had to climb up the ladder into her bunk bed that she finally took them off for the night.
When Hil asked her who taught her how to tie her shoes she replied, quite emphatically, no one! And you know when she was pressed as to who might of given her some help learning how to make bows and time knots she maintained that she figured out how to do this on her own. I'm inclined to believe her.
When Charlotte was first learning how to ride a bicycle she spent weeks tooling around the neighbourhood on her pink bike that she got for Christmas balanced carefully on training wheels and cautiously pedaling up and down the sidewalk avoiding garbage cans and try not to get too flustered when she wobbled too far to the left or to the right. Then, one nice spring day when we were all at the park together with a gang of other children from the neighborhood, some of them on two wheels, some of them on training wheels, she climbed onto her best pal Chalrie's two wheeler, started pedaling, and that was it. From then on she was on two wheels. She did it all with no one watching, except Charlie of course, who she still to this day credits for teaching her to ride a bike. it wasn't until we heard “hey mom look at me!” that we knew what was going on.
I relate this story because it's another example of her essentially figuring out how to do something on her own. Of course we had put in more than a few hours coaching down the sidewalk with her training wheels, getting her comfortable on her bike and making sure that she was getting the hang of it but when It came to it she did it by herself.
This leaves me wondering, as a parent and a teacher, what skills are the ones that kids actually can teach themselves and which ones they need our help with. I suppose that it's different for every child. I am also pretty sure that it isn't a black-and-white issue. It Took many trips around the block with training wheels before she was ready to attempt pedaling on her own. And, because she is up mildly obsessed with beading necklaces and bracelets for herself, her mom, her friends, anyone she has Recently met and taken a shining to, her dolls, and her baby her sister, there have been more than a few knot tying lessons in the dining room and on the kitchen floor. So let's agree that there is some kind of development window where key skills are built and the groundwork is laid for larger achievements. It still leaves me wondering about that critical moment though – when the confidence is high enough, the determination strong enough, the parent arms length enough and the hard skills refined enough that all the elements can somehow synch up and something new can happen. I could reference a number of well developed psychological, and evidence based theories about how it all comes together, but from this perspective, seeing it day to day in living colour, it is still a complete and beautiful mystery to me.
3 Ginger Snaps 