many of the people who read this blog will already be aware of the fact that hilary and i share a lifelong dream of owning and running a summer camp. after we stopped working at camp oochigeas, this dream faded slightly for us. or maybe it was just smeared in diaper cream and so it was hard to get a grip on it. either way, it was out of the picture for a little while. recently, we have recommitted to this dream. for about 18months now we’ve been actively searching out a camp property to buy. our business plan isn’t nearly as far along as it needs to be. we don’t have our financing organized. and we haven’t established relationships with bankers, lawyers or accountants. so, in short, we aren’t ready. but life turns on a dime.
late last week a real estate agent contacted us with news of a camp that was going to be up for sale in the fall. and this camp has some serious appeal. i’m not allowed to disclose any details – but we think it might just be the kind of place that dreams are made of.
anyway – we’ve been hard at work for the past week trying to get our act together and, today, i went to a meeting. a business meeting. at a bank. with bankers in business suits. on bay street, no less. i learned a ton. i learned about debt service ratios and earnings before interest, taxes, depreciation, and ammoritization. i learned about purchasing assets and purchasing shares. i learned that bankers lend based on historical performance and investors invest based on future possibilities. i learned and learned and learned and mostly i learned that i still have so much to learn.
anyway – going out to a business meeting was not an easy thing to do. but maybe, more significantly, it was not an easy thing to come home from. my head was swimming. the problem solving part of my brain was kicked into overdrive. my priorities seemed to be all out of order. for example, i had a ferocious fight with charlotte, age 5 and a half, about whether or not she had to have a shower tonight. we only ask her to have a shower every other night. and every time we ask her, she assures us that she had a shower last night. she didn’t – and she needed one – and we didn’t see eye to eye on this. so significant yelling from both parties ensued. not my proudest moment. and not a good set up heading into the dinner hour. not a good set up because, in the same way that i found with teaching, so much of my tone sets the tone of the whole environment. so when charlotte came downstairs from her shower and climbed up on the stool to stir the noodles at the stove, the stool that ruby had just been standing on to stir the noodles but had momentarily climbed down from, ruby responded with some serious anger about being a displaced noodle stirer. pinching, screaming, physical restraints, spilled cups of milk on the floor, and thrown spatuals followed (for the record, it was me who spilled the milk and threw the spatula). and it pretty much got messier from there. arden sat on the floor crying. charlotte, who was still raw from the shower disagreement, ran to another room crying and reminding me that it was my choice to spill the milk and throw the spatula. and ruby cried upstairs, in her room, where i banished her to. we all managed to pull ourselves together. i tried to remember something from a barabara coloruso book and did my best to apologize. and we made it through dinner without anymore tears. but it was not my finest hour, or evening for that matter.
i’m not sure how or if my business meeting precipiated any of this. its kind of hard to say. there was something about being out in the world today that was very appealing. not the bay street part. because i’ve never really been interested in a job on bay street. but maybe the part where, for a little while, it wasn’t all about picking this person up at that timel or getting the next snack ready or sweeping the floor. and it was tough to have to step back into all that afterwards. tough to have to come to grips with the fact that part of me is on hold. tough to accept that three of the most important people in my life really don’t give a hoot about my ambitions – nor should they have to. i can’t think of any other way to describe it other than to say that it was disruptive.
not that we are giving up on the dream. i can feel us getting closer. its just a new line to have to learn how to walk.
onwards.
3 Ginger Snaps 