Are you thinking we reached the milestone for greatest number of consecutive days eating apples with neutella for desert after supper? Or perhaps greatest number of times you can reapply neutella to the same apple slice for an almost two year old who has figured out that if she just licks the neutella off the apple slice and smears some it on her face and looks cute her sucker father will give her more neutella on the same apple slice and she never eats the apple slice – just the neutella? Both milestones worth shooting for – but that’s not what this post is about.
A while back, probably close to two years ago now, I attended a parent education night at the nursery school. I don’t remember much from the night. In fact, I only remember two things from the night and one of them I don’t remember often enough. The one I forget all to often is this: children will if they can and their intentions are good. That one is tough to remember In the moment – like the moment tonight when ruby spilled the glitter all over the table. I loathe glitter. They will if they can and their intentions are good – a nice piece of phrasing to remember and I need to place it in a more prominent position in my active parenting internal narrative. But this post isn’t about that phrase.
It’s about the other phrase I remember: on your own or with my help. As in: ruby, you can clean up your toys on your own or with my help; Charlotte, you can practice your reading on your own or with my help. It’s an awesome parenting tool and I flog it all day long. It was particularly helpful getting ruby through years 2 and 3. There was a lot of “on your own or with my help”. It works almost universally. And I suppose it is empowering for the child. They get to choose how the situation is going to play out even though they are being told they have to meet an expectation.
So here’s the milestone. Arden’s vocabulary is soaring. There are multiple new words a day. It is literally like living with a parrot or some kind of recording device. Sometimes the new words come out clear as a bell. Sometimes they are softly garbled. And almost always she knows exactly what you are saying to her. Her comprehension is huge.
Ruby had a real thing for her pacifier and wanted it to go everywhere with her. Breaking her of the habit took wasn’t fun and in some ways, we are still chipping away at a little bit of oral fixation. So we decided that we weren’t going down that road with Arden. She still has a pacifier – but it never leaves her bedroom. Except for car trips. We all have our limits. So today, after a diaper change, I put Arden down on the floor and she walks over to her bed, reaches in and gets her soother, and walks out of her room. “Arden” i say “put your soother back in your bed please” and I know she knows what I’m saying because she turns around and covers up the soother as if to imply “what soother? There’s no soother here!” And we jostle back and forth on this a few times. Me trying my best to be patient. Her trying her best to smile at me and make me laugh because she knows how to find some wiggle room with me.
And then the words fall out of my mouth and I can hardly believe I am saying this to my almost two year old who used to be so adorable and compliant and happy to go along with whatever was on the agenda “Arden, on your own or with my help put your soother back in your bed.” And she says help and we go and do it and awkward conflict avoided and milestone of new era of behaviour management for both of the human beings involved is passed.
3 Ginger Snaps 